“It’s to the point that I’ve determined that people are going to do what people are going to do. I told you that I’m uncomfortable with you calling her. I told you that it hurts me when you say you went to lunch with her. I know you said you call her to talk about work, but I don’t recall you having a top secret, classified job. You don’t need to leave the room to talk about work. And I hear you laughing…” I paused to compose myself. “Could you put your phone down when I’m talking to you, please?”
He did as I asked, but I could tell I was interrupting something. He was probably texting her, but I had to get this out.
“You go out to lunch to talk about work, but I don’t remember you saying anyone else went with you the last few times. Yeah, it started as a group lunch, but lately it’s been sounding like lunch dates.”
He looked at me as if to disagree, but before he could say anything, I continued.
“You’re in love with her. You can shake your head all you want, but I’ve been on the other side of your love and I know what it’s like. You pour yourself into it. But the problem is, I’m your wife. You’re supposed to be in love with me. I know, I know, perhaps you still are, but right now, I’m sharing you with her. Forgive me for sounding like a toddler, but you’re mine and I don’t want to share. I shouldn’t have to share. You told me you’d ‘forsake all others’. Please tell me you meant what you said eleven years ago.”
I looked at my ring and I looked at his as I held his hand.
“Then I’m telling you, this woman has a piece of your heart. The heart you gave to me when you asked me to marry you and when you said ‘I do’.”
I touched his chest and he put his hand over mine.
“You have to stop talking to her. Then ask for a transfer. Quit. We have enough of a rainy day fund for you to quit and look for another job. I know you think you’re strong enough to be around her, but…”
He talked a good game, but I remembered the last time he told me he would stop having lunch with her. Somehow she always brought extra for him and instead of leaving, he stayed and accepted her ‘harmless’ gesture.
“No, baby, you’re not as strong as you think you are. She’s like a drug to you.”
He couldn’t see it. He couldn’t comprehend what I was telling him.
“I don’t want to argue with you. I’ll just say this – until you want to end this emotional affair, it’s going to continue. I can cry to you every night. You will see my tears and justify that what you’re doing is ‘harmless’ and I’m blowing the situation out of proportion. I can plead with you everyday and you’ll tell me I don’t have anything to worry about. But I do, you’ve taken the love and energy you give to me and our children and siphoned it off to a another woman. It doesn’t matter what I say right now because ultimately the choice is yours. And it’s taken me awhile to accept that this ‘harmless’ relationship could result in our divorce and our children growing up with a split household. You can shake your head, but it’s true. At least I’ve dragged myself out of this depressed state I’ve been in. Our kids need us, but you’re too busy with her and I’ve been too busy crying over you. But I’m done crying now ’cause I realize people are going to do what people are going to do.”
The phone rang, I looked down in time to see it was her calling. For a second, I had hope he would decline the call. It lasted for just a moment and quickly faded as he stood up and said ‘hello’ into the phone. I wasn’t going to be depressed anymore, but it didn’t mean the tears in my eyes would stop falling for the man that was falling in love with someone other than me.
by Angelique Grey
notes: I’m not up to writing today, sorry. I decided to post something I’d written a while ago. Let me know what you think.