Is it okay that for a moment I just want to disappear? Is it all right that I want to collapse into myself and become invisible for a while? I realize I’m not really strong.
I remember a geology lesson about rocks and how to test their strength there were different methods. These methods corresponded to the different ways rocks can be strong. I learned that tensile strength (the resistance of a material to breaking under tension – to elongate) is different from compressive strength (the resistance of a material to breaking under compression – to reduce size). Who knew? Rocks could be strong in different ways. Rocks could withstand being stretched in one test and crumble under pressure in another.
I’m trying to convince myself that I’m strong, just not in the area I got kicked in today. It feels like a weak link in my armor was exploited and I’m just falling apart because of it. Unlike rocks, I have feelings and they’re a mess right now. How was I making it day to day just to have a few words spoken and watch my will to keep moving forward dissolve? I won’t be down for long, right? I’ll pick myself back up in a few minutes? I can’t afford to be in this emotional space for too much longer. Priorities won’t allow me to stay here. Just need a little bit of glue to put myself together and hope it holds.
Sorry, I had a moment.
By Angelique Grey