Screaming and no one knows

If the eyes are the windows to the soul, how often do people see your soul? For those, like me, with friends around the country, they don’t see my soul very often. We talk on the phone and text. Sometimes, I like to think that I’ve perfected the art of masking the emotion that tries to leak through my voice. And texting offers the ability to edit expressions for word choice and tone.

Friends will never know the sadness that lingers in my eyes because they’re too far away. Sometimes, I think, “They have enough going on in their lives and I don’t need to add my troubles.” Inwardly, I’m screaming, but no one that counts will ever know because I don’t say anything.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I cause my relationships to become or remain shallow? Only through trials and working together do connections deepen and solidify. Yet I cut myself off from forming and strengthening those connections.

I’m drowning and I refuse to cry for help. But why?

Why do I do this to myself? Honestly, sometimes I feel worthless, I don’t want to bring anyone else down with my problems, or I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep.

I know I’m not the only one. So if you’re reading this and can relate, why are you like this?

Better question, how do we stop this? My advice to you (and to me):

  • FaceTime, Skype, Oovoo your friend(s) – who cares what you look like, put a bandanna on if you don’t anyone to see your hair, have your back to the wall if you don’t want anyone to see your place is a mess
  • Talk – it’s hard, but share what you’re going through. You might not be able to share it all, but start somewhere
  • Help others – even though it feels like you’re helpless to solve your own problems, helping others takes your mind off of you and makes life easier to get through.
  • Don’t give up – whatever you do, don’t give up. Don’t give up on you. Don’t give up on life.

So when I find myself screaming and feel like no one knows. I know what to do – find the ones that want to know and let them in. I hope you’ll do the same.

by Angelique Grey

Author’s note: leave a comment or critique. Let me know if you agree or have a different perspective on this topic.

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